My balls are so social today.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
