1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Randomize
