man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Randomize
