I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
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