Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
