Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
