Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
There's always time for handjobs
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Randomize
