Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
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he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
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I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
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