he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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