Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
