I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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