We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
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When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
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