Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
it was like eating out sand paper
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
