Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
where does the pee come out of this thing
her facebook's as public as her vagina
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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