I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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