I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Can you bring me the toilet please
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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