just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
