I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
