sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
