guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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