weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Randomize
