I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
