dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
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The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
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He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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