oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
My cat gives me a boner
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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