He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
