You're completely useless in the revolution.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
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I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
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We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I pour the whiskey from now on
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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