I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
