There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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