All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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