I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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