dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Randomize
