I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
