Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
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She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
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Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
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