Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Randomize
