wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Congratulations! We have a period
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
