Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
