I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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