I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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