Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
