Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize