I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
