I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
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