Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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