the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
