it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
