I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
