So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
