ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Even my vagina gasped.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
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