don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
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