It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
