i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
