I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
