I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
