Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
