Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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