His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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