Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Randomize
