when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
