So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
