What a fucking waste of an outfit
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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