I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize