"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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