She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
