Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
