I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
