i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
