I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
