I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
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