can u get pink eye on your cock?
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
