Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
