so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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