I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
