I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
