My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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