how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
