I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize