I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Moan for me like Helen Keller
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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