dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Randomize