is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
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