i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
