I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
