hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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