just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Having a random hookup so left but love u
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
