His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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