Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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