How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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