Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
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